Struggle and Almost Through

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Note to all who are having a hard time. It really is true when they say that you’re never alone. No matter how bad a predicament you are in.

For a long while, I’ve been seriously mulling over the meaning of life. (Ooooh… yep, brace yourself, we are getting deep.) Over the past few years, it’d been especially tough and mentally draining. You know how it is to deal with the dreadful loop of constant doubts, uncertainties and conundrums, which is also a part of life. TBH, there was nothing beautiful about the process. I struggled hard and hit another level of rock bottom. (Just as I thought it couldn’t get any lower!) I was numb. If you ask me about what I did in those years, I most likely will not remember much. Things were a bit of a blur. I was functioning but not in the healthiest of way. Most people couldn’t tell and I reckon some of them still can’t. There were definitely signs of high-functioning depression. But I probably shouldn’t self-diagnose. Between my reality and unrealistic expectations, life became messy. My life was kept in suspense with me as its only audience, half wishing that the tension would fade half addicted to the thrill. Sense of impatience loomed large. Desperation took over. Nothing felt right anymore.

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NZ17 – Day 30/30

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A final, eventful day of this trip. I have Ariel and Tom to thank for making my last week in Auckland so bloody wonderful. Didn’t think I’d last this long considering how I was whining to mom at the start of this trip. And here I am… on the 30th day!

Here is how our day went: Morning tea at French cafe near the French Market (delish chicken and celery roll + beef and mushroom pie) / gemstone hunt for my man / browsed around organic shop / makeup hunt for my friend / sushi+bubble tea for snack / climbed up Mt Eden for fresh air and nice view at the top / had a ginormous feast at local’s favourite Indian restaurant, Paradise / walked off the massive meal on the pink bike/walk way near ‘spaghetti junction’ to end our night.

 

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NZ17 – Day 28/30

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We went on a hunt for award winning pies at Mairangi Bay Bakery around Mairangi Bay today. When we got there, there was a large selection of stuffings (should have taken photos of the menu). So many that I wanted to try them all (greedy much? LOL). Ariel got mince beef with cheese and I eventually settled for mince beef with gravy and a muesli slice. They did live up to our hungry expectation. Tasty stuffing and crunchy-flaky pastry. It was a sunny afternoon, so we just sat and ate our pies in the sun looking out at the beach.

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NZ17 – Day 27/30

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A wet but reasonably warm day. Went for a morning walk/expedition down at Viv’s backyard bush! Though there’s still a lot of work to be done but the prospect of having a bush in the backyard to relax in is worth the wait. It’s her personal project in the making. I’d love to see it come to life for sure! Also her ‘little but fruitful’ orchard is amazing!

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NZ17 – Day 26/30

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Went along for a ride to Poppa’s care facility in Whangarei today. Being surrounded by elderly people put things in perspective for me. I started to wonder about my own life – where I might end up; retirement plan; who’s going to be there at the end; what am I going to do when everyone is gone etc. A depressing thought but a realistic one at that. Another thought that’s been lingering on my mind is when you are old the most you have is your family and memory. Don’t go wasting your time collecting possession. But do make plenty of money to make enough memory young ones!!

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NZ17 – Day 25/30

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Went out on a two and a half hour trek on Rangitoto island with Ariel and Tom. It was boiling hot and physically demanding. Lol We walked all the way up to the top and got chased by wasps. Had a delicious bagel sandwich with avo and salmon on top for lunch.

Came home to shower and home-cook dinner before getting picked up to go to Viv’s up in Dargaville. Then I pretty much got cut off from the world because there was no service in my room. Lol

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NZ17 – Day 24/30

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Today was another laid-back day. Seriously, I need more days like these before reality catches up. Went to Takapuna Beach Holiday Park for a walk along the beach, climbed rocks and just enjoyed the sun. I’m tanner than I have ever been! NZ sun turns me brown!! Then we got some Fish n Chips to eat in the car while looking at Auckland city and harbour view. It was my first Fish n Chip since being back. Nom nom! And finally, our long overdue movie night was done and dusted. We saw Arrival – a rather intensely strange film about time and choices expressed through alien invasion? lol

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NZ17 – Day 23/30

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It was a lovely sunny day today. A perfect day to do my second load of washing. XD I’m slowly getting used to the life here again. Initially I thought I’d never settled. I guess it’s a little too late now that I only have a week left lol. Oh well~ Better late than never.

Stayed in and read the book I brought with me on this trip with the hope to finish it before I leave. I only read one chapter today and fell asleep. LOL So much for good intention.

In the evening, Ariel, her hubby, Tom, and I went out to dinner at a food court in Ponsonby area. We swiftly walked through Ponsonby Central for quick snaps. It was buzzing with people out having their dinner. So I didn’t want to invade their privacy by sticking camera in their face. LOL Could only take a few shots of the place. Didn’t get a chance to try donut with ice cream either. Maybe next time 🙂

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